Coming Home

I remember the day I packed my bag and left for Australia. It was Valentine's Day 2008.

Sporting short hair and dressed in the most unglamourous clothes - pink long sleeve tee and track pants, I headed towards the airport, filled with so much excitement and trepidation.

As the plane took off from Changi Airport, I tried to imagine what life in Australia would be like. What new adventures await me, who I will meet and 5 years seemed such a long time back then. I remember as the plane descended before landing in Hobart, all I saw out the window was brown dried grass for miles on end. I wondered what have I landed myself into, coming to this ulu island called Tasmania.

Fast forward 5 years.

I am sitting once more in my old room in Singapore. It does not feel quite the same as it did 5 years ago. The furniture is the same yet something does not feel right. My life over the last 5 years has been packed into 5 boxes and they are currently sailing across the vast ocean, slowly making its way to Singapore. I am looking forward to finally receiving them - when my life will finally feel more complete. The things that have accompanied me over the last 5 years - they have been there through thick and thin with me. That sense of familiarity is what I'm missing right now I guess. Everything feels strange - not knowing where everything is and not having a sense of ownership over my life.

People think that moving overseas is the difficult bit. But honestly, I feel that coming home is harder. While you have been away over the last 5 years, time and life did not wait for you. People's lives moved on. We're no longer the nubile 20 year olds we once were. Leaving when I was 20 and coming back when I'm 24, things have changed.

It is not easy to come back and just fit right in. Your school friends are all working and have their own lives. No longer can we randomly meet up just because we can. All the updates I have about my friends are all gathered from Facebook. It was difficult to maintain communication while overseas. And now, coming back here again, I feel like there's a void in my life. The people I once knew in Singapore aren't who they were. We are no longer from A level graduates. We are doctors, accountants, engineers, lawyers etc.

As I'm typing this, I see Facebook updates from my Tasmanian friends and I suddenly miss them so much. The people whom I've studied and lived with over the last 5 years - thank you all for everything you've done for me. I've made some unexpectedly good friends with some of you and hopefully we will keep in contact despite the distance. It is sad when you realise you may not see some of these people ever again after graduation. Especially the Launceston ones. We've been through so much as a class and although we have had our ups and downs, you guys are like family to me. The infinite cases that we've had to write, the times we wished we weren't at LCS, the free food ever so frequently, Sally and Linda's greetings, that free bowl of lollies, tutes at the Parkes' etc. Thank you for everything and the memories.

Despite everything, family is still very important to me and having been away for 5 years, it made me realise that my parents are getting old and I need to be there for them as they have been for me. I may not be the best daughter there is out there, but thank you for everything you've done for me. I may have messed up many many times and you've always been there to help me pick up the pieces. This degree is dedicated to you both for all the headaches, tears and white hairs I have caused over the last 5 years.

So I'm counting down the days till I fly back for graduation and I'm so excited to see my second home again. The memories and times I've in this place. Basically it's 1/5 of my life so that's quite ALOT. It's hard to just walk away and pretend nothing happened because things have.

The people I've met etc have changed me. For the better (I hope). I would not exchange my experience for anything else in the world. Except maybe for a different state on the mainland. But theses 5 years have been the best. Living independently and having to survive and do everything by myself has taught me that I can live by myself and not die. I'm not as fragile as I think I am. I can do it. I miss being able to do anything and everything I want whenever I want. I feel like I'm becoming less independent now that I'm home. I don't do ANYTHING at all. Just laze around. I think I'm losing the spontaneous me. Gone are the days when I just put on my shoes and walk down to the Farmer's Market because I can. I need to stop being a sloth back home and regain my independence. Just go out and do whatever I need to do whenever I want/need to. Otherwise I will never get anything done in Singapore, waiting for things to be perfectly organised.