Friday, March 31, 2006

pissed off

Jetzt fühle ich sehr böse an jemandem.. weil ich fühle, dass ich wie ein Idiot bin. wirklich! ich denke dass ich besser dran selbst bin.. ich bin traurig.. warum bin ich so dumm! blöde Affe!

i do not know what i feel right now.. mixed feelings.. feeling angry right now yet too tired to do anything else.. someone wake up me asap please.. because i do not want to sink deeper into this shit..

its like he doesnt wanna help himself then wad can i do? sometimes i wonder y am i so nice to him.. maybe i shud listen to jessie and juz ignore him.. no more tolerating of his nonsense.. maybe whatever i say right now would be in a fit of anger or mere pissed off with him.. sometimes he's pure silliness and idiotism (?) makes him so childlike that u juz wanna mess up his hair.. sometimes u juz wanna box him for being overboard..

we'll see if he gets his ticket tml.. its not tt he HAS to go but i juz asked if he wanted to go.. so even if he doesnt go i'll go with monic and ami.. :) so fun! man i dunno what im doing too.. *knocks some sense into myself*

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

juz found leshon's blog.. typical 9 yr old blog under the eyes of his mum.. ok what can one expect from a nine yr old kiddo apart from "oral-examination" description.. not a bad attempt really considering he's only 9 and has his own blogS.. note the plurality of tt word..

this week has been quite boring apart from the bbq and the buffet i went to on sat and sun respectively.. today had theory for softball again.. my teacher asked if i played softball b4.. guess i did [recalls the screams n shouts] but said i learnt it b4.. haha! this way it sounds like i only noe the theory but not the pract.. but wad rubbish la.. where got ppl know theory not pract one.. hahaha!

rmb we used to run around in that funny looking field of ours after the stupid renovations.. jessica and constance pitching and us ATTEMPTING to bat.. prob of us hitting is like 0.1 which is already rather good by our standards.. hehe.. using the stand to place the ball and whack.. then sometimes too lazy we support ourselves on it while listening to instructions.. how we lost terribly to the sec 3 class but we had fun nonetheless though it was a bit embarrassing.. haha! balls that barely flew.. foul balls.. fielders that couldnt catch nor throw.. base ppl who couldnt catch.. and only jessica tagged ppl out.. rmb being tagged by her.. scary la.. ran almost everywhere but i guess it was the fun part of it.. note: apparently cannot do tt lehz!

musicfest this fri! i want the tix! felicia chin! though i prefer eunice olsen but i guess tt was last yr and felicia chin is good too! :)

*chants* i want tix! (X infinity)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

ADRIANO IS OUT!! :( why why why. haiz/.

sobz

realised it has been almost 1 week since i updated.. hmm.. so lets see wad ive accomplished.. finally read "roll of thunder, hear my cry" and "the bell jar" trying to read another book but its due tml.. so i might juz forget about it.. borrow others or sth.. my teacher has "stupid white men" and i juz started this reading craze in my class.. ami's reading "in her shoes" and grace is reading too.. carn rmb the title but apparently its nice.. haha sounds nice too.. the way she described it.. yeah..

well got ABCD for my CTs.. maths bio physics chem respectively.. n i need to hurry up decide which s papers to take.. cos i dun wanna take 3.. :S maybe i cannot take chem considering its D but the whole cohort did quite badly so see how lor.. later drop sth else then chem kicked out.. die! left one.. so see how la..

next week bio spa.. transport in plants skill B.. microscopy etc.. hope it wun be too bad! yupyupz.. following week physics skill CD mechanics i think.. then SPA would be o-v-e-r! :) cheers! haha.. to think i managed to survive 6 physics skills.. not 6 spas.. thank god..

guess rite now it will be to try n revise my physics quantum and chem! since im gg to chow for remedial.. hope it helps since everyone says he's good.. haha i think he's not bad too.. :) mr chow wo men kao ni le!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sabo-ed again

no thanks to pam tt i've to do this.. since im 'tagged'.. hahah!

RULES: tagged person must come up with 8 (EIGHT?!??!) points abt their perfect lover. Please indicate the sex of the perfect lover.

Gender: Hopefully Male

1) Humourous
2) Smarter than me?
3) Preferably rich?
4) Preferably good -looking?
5) Honest
6) Humble
7) Thrifty (not stingy)
8) Anything that i hope he is

:)

erm.. who should i tag.. jeremy! :P haf fun!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Used

how would u feel if someone only msgs u when he's bored?

pissed off?

especially since he doesnt exactly reply ur msgs.

angry?

since he seems to only see you as someone to entertain him?

i dunno. ive had enough.

sometimes i wonder why am i so nice. do stuff for him etc. hai.

been watching kai lang shao nu cheng gong ji.. its amazing how two totally different people can just get along with each other though its more like bickering n stuff.. sweet la.. cos u see how the guy tries to make life difficult for the girl though he loves her.. he's childish n all but the way he tries to help her through various means makes me wonder maybe love finds u most when u arent looking for it.. sometimes when u try too hard it just does not come.

would u say its all fate? my uncle has been with my aunt since when they were in njc.. now what would u call tt? they've been tgt for 20 over years.. though they did break up once but got together again..

many would say tt pri/sec/jc romances dont last n we always say we'll meet better people out there.. but what if there's no turning back?

im not looking.. not searching.. but im hoping.. wishing.. dreaming.. that someday i'll find my one true love.. meanwhile i'll juz be my naive dreamy-eyed self.. being made used of most of the time..

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Treetop

im too tired to update.. hah.. but tree top walk was ok i guess.. yeah..

pam i hope ur shoe din break again! :)

i love the NUS lion!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Suicide

im at a loss for words.

does anything justify suicide? anything at all?

i don't know.

its been 4 years since justina died. the pain still lingers and i miss her and everything about her. her laughter, her smile, her jolliness and simply being bubbly justina. hanging sure is a painful way to die. even criminals have got a shot in the neck when the noose tightens to shorten the agony. she didnt. struggle. struggle. struggle. motionless. breathless. its sad when these things happen. you start to wonder what went wrong and if things could have been better or even rectified. but would it help? everything's too late. she's gone. forever.

last friday, another schoolmate commited suicide. it was an off day for us and while most of us were enjoying ourselves sleeping in, hanging out with friends, or simply wasting time somewhere, our beloved family member had thoughts running through his mind. suicidal thoughts. finally, rationality vapourised and he took a step off the ledge. 1/2mv² = mgh. he did not die on the spot. only 2 hours later. imagine the anguish he had to endure. its painful enough to fall from a double decker bed let alone from x storeys. why did he take the final leap? did he regret it? we would never know. susanto said that those who jump down regret once they start to accelerate. but im sure he has already considered that. 4 A student. physics, maths, econs, chem. surely he knew how painful it would be? unless that immense pain was nothing compared to what he was going through. but did he consider the pain that we would all go through? its not momentarily like his but lingers on. and on. and on. would things be normal again? i suppose so. would things be the same again. i dont think so. but we do know that he had things to tell his parents which they did not manage to decipher..

and guess what? another committed suicide last sunday night at around midnight. our batch one. from VS NPCC. TPJC. why do people choose to die? man im sobbing away as i type this whole entry. life is precious. why do they have to choose that route? things may end for you but it does not for the people around you. irresponsible i hear you say but maybe they were at their wits end? guess it still is running away from it all. it hurts to see all these. teenagers with bright futures ahead ending it all ahead of time.

i was suicidal once upon a time. but obviously i did not take my own life. thank goodness. maybe if i were suicidal once more can someone please knock some sense into me? thanks. i dont want my family to go thru the agony n anguish of losing me. tell me before its too late.

the song thats playing on my itunes right now is runaway by the corrs. thought it isnt about suicide but it happened to repeat the runaway part n i wonder why do many ppl runaway n leave unfinished business behind? they leave friends, girl/boyfriends, family, teachers, neighbours, relatives and people who care for them.

life is precious. dont throw it all away.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

business

juz bought a 42" plasma tv.. :) from harrrvey norrmann.. yippee! which means i would finally get my plasma tv n actually more importantly a remote controlled tv.. cos we accidentally threw the control for the present tv away.. so its getting a bit irritating to get up n press the blasted buttons on the set itself.. so i guess daddy got himself an expensive bdae present for his half a century anniversary? now mum's worried the tv would spoil in no time.. looking at the way my granddaddy watches tv.. 60000 hr would be over in a blink of an eye.. mum's like "i kinda regret it lehz.."

lets do some maths here..
60000/24 = 2500 days
2500/365 = 6.85 yrs

ok la not tt bad i guess? though mum hopes it can last 10 yrs?? :S

skool starts again tml.. sian had bio s selection test today.. wrote 3+ pages.. hopefully its ok la.. din really study considering been out all weekend.. bdaes n exhibitions etc.. next weekend oso.. granny earned some money [or was it won?] then she wants to treat us to sth.. then she said she'll come out with 200 bucks then the others my uncle would absorb.. haha! so it prob is bbq.. then sun would be asik's bdae party n he asked me to go down earlier to help out.. thanx ppl for saying tt like asking his wife to help himm.. *faints*

haiz mediquiz is on to my dismay! at first i tot i would be able to slack n study hard for my As.. cmon im not like peter la.. so smart.. 4As, GP 1, 2 dists.. i need to study.. n hard summore! argh.. so horrible.. then now it means tt my june hols is burnt n gone! gotta study in between the trg sessions i guess.. bleah.. its worse than sports cos its totally mental! in both sense.. mentally draining n the info overload is mental! yeahh..

i just want the hols to come n i wanna enjoy myself.. but somehow i dun quite feel myself yet.. still not in tune? feels bit weird.. need to find myself soon.. i need a compass n map.. ok tt was quoting brian nguyen.. no seriously i dun need a compass n map.. i juz need a guide..

will you be my guide?

Sunday, March 05, 2006

went to the careers fair today with yong guan.. supposed to meet him at 11 at city hall but somehow my parents dropped me off at suntec n since he was gonna be late i told him to meet me at suntec.. anw i was earlier than him by bout 5 min then we adjourned to the hall liao.. haha.. we din noe where to start la.. so many things to see n goodies to take.. i wun really call them goodies but ya.. prospectus/bottles of water/stickers etc.. basically i concluded tt i would nv apply direct to a china uni cos i'll prob not even pass the HSK or wadever exam tt there is to take.. not forgetting the entrance exam itself.. :S

as for switzerland, all bachelor courses are conducted in either german, french or italian, depending on where u go.. *recalls the cantons* for germany, testDAF is only requried if u are taking a course tt is conducted in german.. cool.. checked out monash@ malaysia too.. might take med there if i carn make it to NUS.. since its like half the price in aussie for the same degree.. or dun take med n get some nice wonderful scholarship n go to US/UK etc to study.. or take biomed in NTU.. haha.. seriously im open to options la.. but think i'll still stick with med.. yupz..

anw so after we went to suntec we went to conrad for the UK fair.. went to uni of edinburgh n they wonderfully told me tt there are 16 places for intl students, of which priority is given to students who do not haf a med skool in their own countries.. which puts me at a terrible DISadvantage.. not tt i would be able to afford to go there but yarr.. then the prof suggested taking their BSc instead.. if i cannot make it.. yupz.. said i've gotta haf like hospital attachment [checked.] n basically show tt i noe wad im gonna put myself thru la.. yong guan wants to be a vet then the guy was quite funny he said sth like this..

prof: oh u wanna be a vet? u've gotta haf interpersonal skills too! juz tt its with animals..
yg : *nods*
prof continues..: like u've gotta make the animals do wad u want them to do like trying to get the baboon [brian nguyen! >.<] down from the tree to come tok to you..

HAHAHAH! quite true i guess.. being a vet is more than juz cats n dogs.. u've gotta handle big animals like elephants etc too.. as well as cats dogs la.. had to fill up survey forms again before we left.. it was super thick la! tgt with lifestyle qns etc.. *faints* like wads ur fav brand, wad radio stations do u listen to, wad items do u desire to haf.. toking bout this desire one.. the choices were mp3, handphones, PDA, camera.. then i looked at it n only tickede PDA cos i haf the rest la.. haha! means i dun realy desire them anymore? i was like "huh how to fill when i've got like most of it liao!"

anw went to delifrance to eat after tt.. wah we really couldnt decide where to go lor.. went from crystal jade bakery to food court to McCafe to Carl's Jr to Subway to Delifrance.. yupz.. n the calamari cost like 6 bucks for 6 pc.. 0.o wah lau.. one person 3.. :S then we ordered some diabolo strawberry drink.. think it was quite nice la.. total cost : $17.50 for 2 drinks n calamari.. daylight robbery la! shud haf gone to carls n unlimited refills lor.. hahah!

anw after tt he wanted to go to sean's hse but he din noe how to go from suntec so i suggested tt he go back to vj tgt with me since im gg for victorians day then take bus from there since he noes how to go from there mahz.. so yalor toked crap on the bus.. not tt we werent already toking nonsense la.. so we reached vj then he zao n i went to vj to buy my nice vj bear for 15 bucks! :)

was wondering if i shud register when i got there.. looked at the name list n all were really long ago seniors la.. then i saw some j2s sitting behind the counter.. but i like heck n wrote my name etc down.. 05S13.. most recent la.. haven even graduated.. haha.. luckily the ppl manning the booth were j1s.. :D so yeah i got a free victorians day shirt! looks quite ok la but how was i to noe tt M was too big for me!! :S then mum said "oh give me then.." shot her the wth look.. then dad said "wah everything tt is too big for her goes to u la huh!" hahaha! i love my daddy! btw its his bdae tml! i mean today since its like 1.55am now.. half a century old! gonna make fun of him.. hehe! i've been telling him tt for quite some time now actually.. ;)

gg for the US one tml with yong guan again.. n u noe wad? i shall start spending less money so tt i would haf money to study!! if not my poor daddy would hafta work so hard juz to put me thru uni.. :( if i take med overseas means i wun haf my car.. so now its save money n study hard if i want the best of both worlds!! :)
this are the clips! nice? haha..

trying to find a pic of the bag.. shall try looking for it online.. haha.. its at heeren 77th street!! supposedly only 1 pc.. argh! haha..

Friday, March 03, 2006

CTs are finally over!

omg my CTs are finally over!!

my girl and i is a very nice show! though a lil cliche.. usual leukemia etc girl dies blah blah.. haha.. but i cried so many times! was using my jacket to hide it but obviously jessie could tell i was trying to ying3 man2.. haha!

majority of the seats were JC ppl.. haha not forgetting JC couples too.. :P quite interesting to see wad they do when the lights suddenly turn on then u look around.. hiak hiak.. but hey it was on purpose.. :) anw after the show we were saying tt its so cliche etc n i suddenly said it wouldnt be romantic if the girl should haf lung cancer instead.. sounds so crude.. n usually lung cancer is ur own doing.. like ooohh too many sticks of ciggs etc.. so yeah we decided that leukemia is the most romantic way to die if one has to die.. haha! cos it seems to be not ur fault tt u're stricken with it and the guys would always do all sorts of sweet things for you and you would always leave with wonderful memories and the guy would always remember you cos you're usually the first love.. hahah!

on the way there we were toking bout who each of us is linked with.. realised i like got the most la.. -_- irritating.. haha..

1) Asik
2) Brian Nguyen
3) Jason
4) Alvin
5) Yong Guan
6) Peter
7) Chern Yih

win liao lor.. wad is this! haha.. thanx ppl...

i want the billabong handbag!!! 49.90 bucks.. *faints* but its soooo nice.. aww haiz oh well.. see how la.. but i like the material and the design!! AHH!! bought two hair clips.. 1 for 1.50.. bought two different designs.. one girl one guy.. nice nice!! its nicer than the other colours.. cos the black background makes the figures stand out.. :)