Suicide

im at a loss for words.

does anything justify suicide? anything at all?

i don't know.

its been 4 years since justina died. the pain still lingers and i miss her and everything about her. her laughter, her smile, her jolliness and simply being bubbly justina. hanging sure is a painful way to die. even criminals have got a shot in the neck when the noose tightens to shorten the agony. she didnt. struggle. struggle. struggle. motionless. breathless. its sad when these things happen. you start to wonder what went wrong and if things could have been better or even rectified. but would it help? everything's too late. she's gone. forever.

last friday, another schoolmate commited suicide. it was an off day for us and while most of us were enjoying ourselves sleeping in, hanging out with friends, or simply wasting time somewhere, our beloved family member had thoughts running through his mind. suicidal thoughts. finally, rationality vapourised and he took a step off the ledge. 1/2mv² = mgh. he did not die on the spot. only 2 hours later. imagine the anguish he had to endure. its painful enough to fall from a double decker bed let alone from x storeys. why did he take the final leap? did he regret it? we would never know. susanto said that those who jump down regret once they start to accelerate. but im sure he has already considered that. 4 A student. physics, maths, econs, chem. surely he knew how painful it would be? unless that immense pain was nothing compared to what he was going through. but did he consider the pain that we would all go through? its not momentarily like his but lingers on. and on. and on. would things be normal again? i suppose so. would things be the same again. i dont think so. but we do know that he had things to tell his parents which they did not manage to decipher..

and guess what? another committed suicide last sunday night at around midnight. our batch one. from VS NPCC. TPJC. why do people choose to die? man im sobbing away as i type this whole entry. life is precious. why do they have to choose that route? things may end for you but it does not for the people around you. irresponsible i hear you say but maybe they were at their wits end? guess it still is running away from it all. it hurts to see all these. teenagers with bright futures ahead ending it all ahead of time.

i was suicidal once upon a time. but obviously i did not take my own life. thank goodness. maybe if i were suicidal once more can someone please knock some sense into me? thanks. i dont want my family to go thru the agony n anguish of losing me. tell me before its too late.

the song thats playing on my itunes right now is runaway by the corrs. thought it isnt about suicide but it happened to repeat the runaway part n i wonder why do many ppl runaway n leave unfinished business behind? they leave friends, girl/boyfriends, family, teachers, neighbours, relatives and people who care for them.

life is precious. dont throw it all away.