Rants

my wonderful day has just been ruined.

guess i wasnt really upset by my E for chem since my class did the worst in the cohort when refering to failures etc.. 7 Os and 1 F.. outta a class of 23.. tts like 1/3.. only 2 As which were like 70 n 73 and 1 B.. the rest were Cs Ds Es.. yeahh so i guess i was still above average la.. missed D by like 0.5?! had 49.5.. bah.. oh well.. its ok.. was over standard for the mcq.. only had 8 outta 30.. ouch..


so wad made my day wonderful since its so horrible? well it was physics! like oh-so-hated-but-wanna-try-n-do-well subject.. spent a lot of time on it and i guess it paid off! got myself a wonderful A!!! 71%.. yeah i noe its like borderline but ehh to think i used to be last in class! i even won ami n yf..!! :) tts like impossible la... n i did it.. was soooo happy that i couldnt believe my eyes! can u imagine getting 34/40 for mcq cos u only had 3 mistakes?! when the norm would be like 16/30? even my essay.. 15/20 and 18/20.. omg.. structured wasnt as good cos of some mistakes but it still gave me an A!! from an E student to an A student in 1 yr.. woots! :)

so yeah was so happy tt i told my mum bout it.. was telling her got bad n good news.. so she heard the bad news aka chem n then after she chided me i din feel like telling her bout physics but anw i did half-heartedly.. spoilt 1/3 of my day.. so later on my bro kept teasing me bout my E though i tried to ignore it.. its not like i didnt study.. i DID! n i tried really hard to understand the stupid topics.. ive alr done more than wad i normally do.. i did papers.. made notes.. revised summaries over n over again.. even revising during lunch b4 the paper.. but no.. they gotta harp on the fact that i got an ELEPHANT. finee so wads so bad bout an E when i noe i tried my best?

so later on while on our way to take lunch my bro was like "im gonna tell daddy u got an EEE!!!" tell lor... tts wad i told him.. i tot they would understand.. but no... out came this whole long lecture bout how i spend so much time on the computer.. how i sleep so late at nite.. how i nv seem to care bout things.. they think they noe me.. but they dont.

was doing maths prelim paper yest n kinda fell asleep cos i was tired.. mum came in to paint the toilet door and the only thing she said was "sleep sleep sleep sleep.. all u noe is sleep.." wadeva.. cmon u shud be glad i fell asleep doing prelim paper n not while reading fashion magazines or sth.. at least im trying to do my part to reach my goal! its all these baby steps that are the key to attaining those 4 As.. its so unfair.. my frenz play all day.. their parents dun complain.. i study all day yet they still complain.. wad do u want me to do!!!!!!!!!

ARRGHHHHHHHH......... im exasperated.. i dunno wad to do.. its a wonderful feeling if ppl can share ur happiness but no.. they gotta put u down n of all people.. ur parents n family.. it juz makes me feel ignored.. worthless.. etc.. its like they seem to only care about my brother that i feel like im juz the phantom of the house at times.. the one tt no one bothers about.. the one who coops herself up in her room all day.. the one who gets scolded everytime she talks.. the one who rathers tok on msn than to talk to her parents.. the one who doesnt like to stay at home.. the one who gives so much trouble.. the one who throws ur face juz cos she aspires to go to med skool.. am i such a horrible person?!?!? can someone tell me???

how would u feel if when u want to tell someone something that is of a certain value to you n that person listens halfheartedly? its like ive gotta tolerate their discussion on badminton tt can last throughout dinner till they reach home n it doesnt even concern me.. so i juz stare outta the window hoping that i can juz get into my room n be my true self.. so yeah back to telling them stuff.. once in a while there would be a break in tt discussion so i would be like "oh ya.. today ar..etc" after like 30s my mum would juz say "eh di ar.. wad did hamid [the coach] ask u to do today?" i'll be like in the middle of something then i juz give up n retreat into my little world.. trying to ignore them..

finee. be that way. and i'll be on my way. dont u worry.

theres juz so much more deep down inside that i juz dunno wad to write.. its all these triggers that throw me into an emo state.. n that i juz wanna be rebellious n prove them wrong.. they say i talk back to them but tts cos they do not noe what i have done.. things that they assume etc.. they said i dont study n that if i wanna fail n get E tts my prob.. lets get the fact straight alrite? if i didnt study can someone please explain wtf in the world i got my A for physics? please use ur own brain n think about it alrite?

why haf i been up these few nites? ok finee soccer but at least i was using the time constructively.. doing my hw.. revising etc.. not dotaing like other or playing games [ok sometimes] but ive been trying to change! i wanna change my sleeping habits but the WC screwed it up for me.. now tt its over i can try n change it.. assholes..

n today grandmother goh gotta irritate me once more... eh dey.. i went up there 3-4 times to look for the fucking sheet of napfa paper ok.. n u said its in tt pile.. so fine i searched.. couldnt find.. u were toking to i told it to peter wee n then u turned around n shoot me say y i nv tell u earlier? cos my mum always said im a scatterbrain so i searched 4 times before asking u.. wad if it was there n i missed it? u would haf said "why u so coo-koo one?" fuck u la.. ur grandmother dua bai ar? so it was ur fault for putting it tgt with the j1 pile.. n u think ppl wanna not do well for napfa test? if u all din frigging change the criteria most ppl would haf passed! so stop ur nonsense bout if u exercise regularly u shud pass.. if u only cycle but not train ur arms do u think u can do pull ups eh?

ok ive vented my frustrations.. my tears [including those during lunch] etc and i think im ready to get down to work liao..

please dont sue me etc if u're offended or sth.. cos its mainly one of those emo rants.. i would juz treat everyone else as they are if u dun step on my toes.. i even tried to forget wad grandmother goh suaned me last term.. yeah cos he didnt seem so mean but today it was too much cos it was in front of everyone.. lucklily peter wee helped me a lil by saying that i told him.. thanxx so much cos it meant so much to me.. at least ppl arent that bad afterall.. yeah..

oh yeah n pardon the expletives.. :)