these two days have been painful. so will tmr and the day after and the days up till i get it.

the agony. the disappointment. the despair. everything just came crashing.

ok maybe it isnt that serious. i dunno. its kinda hard to put it down in words but those whom i've moped to will definitely understand. just wanna say thanx for being there and trying to make me feel better.

didnt think i would cry. but i really just broke down after i received beat-rice's sms. the ecstacy and the euphoria came through the msg. suddenly i felt like i was alone in this horrible world.

luckily tyg was online yest. thanx for trying to cheer me up. u made me feel myself again. u gave me the confidence to do my best once more. even though you can be a pain sometimes but i think u're still rather special. i think i made you feel rather helpless today with my msgs. but i cant help it. thoughts just ran wild once more. i just felt like at least there was someone who was kinda in the same boat.

and ruth! thanx for trying to comfort me today! yeah though i said that i dont really care but i guess i kinda lied. i do care bout it but really. come wad may. :) so what if the worst happens? i'll just do my best elsewhere! i'll make them regret it! muahahahx!

jem! though i've treated you really bad at times, im really sorry for it. thanx for still being there for me. thanx for believing in me even when i couldnt see the best in myself. thanx for trying your bestest best to make me feel much much much better! things have been rough for us and these two yrs have been quite :S with all the things ive done but ive never regretted knowing you. really. :)

brian! yeahh the classmate i speak to the most online. thanx for everything! the nonsense, the moping, the complaining, the gossips etc. yeah. go be ur teacher and excel k! :)

guess if i leave sg, i'll miss all of you. i'll miss the friends, the good friends, the best friends, the family [though i cant connect], the relatives [some la]. but then i'll be a girl on a mission. a girl soldiering on in pursuit of my goal. rite now im still fighting my own wars. one with my emotions, the other with mum. wth. she aint helping me. though i understand her anxiety but shouldnt she understand me too?

i dont wanna stay at home tmr. i dont want to be disturbed. leave me alone. i just want to go out with someone who will just remain quiet/do their own things and just be there. while i mark my PTs. great. wonder who will be so nice. hah. wait long long.

heck la. im prepared for the worst in everything.

and its only 1 more week of work. not sure how i'll feel on friday.