ok the previous entry is NOT to spite you. its actually more like a way for me to explain since you dont want to listen to me. and besides im not sure how to tell you all these in front of you, after all you just seem to not listen anyway. i'm terrible with words, i clam up in fear and i end up sobbing uncontrollably after you leave. so i never get my msg across.

i wouldnt say that i know him very very well, after all, you're right in saying that we've only known each other since feb and we only got closer in may. but we had been contemplating and discussing things since aug before getting together in sept. its gonna be 3mths soon. officially. although it seems like forever since it started way back during swot vac sem 1.

sometimes even i am not sure how long this will last. when we discussed the possibility the other night, because he didnt want to sour my family's relations, he was like "there's only one family but you can have many bfs." which is true, but it hurt so bad just thinking of it. although i know that if that happens, he wouldnt shed a tear. he's not someone who would cry. apart from his granny's death, he couldnt rmb the last time he cried. he's so emotionally stable (or rather stoic) that its scary sometimes. he's never angry, never jealous, never sad and he'll just have the stoned face until you say something that he actually responds to. then you'll get a whole range of reaction which is quite funny. =D

i've learnt that the aim of being in a relationship is not to find someone who will fill the gap for you but rather to find someone who would bring out the best in you, someone who would inspire you so that the both of you can advance together. its not because you feel like you NEED someone to make you whole but its finding two whole people to make it perfect.

love is a double-edged sword. it can make you feel 幸福 or 痛苦. but unless you give it your all, you'll never know if he's the right one. most girls would want to find a guy who would love them more than she loves him. but how many girls are that lucky? love isnt like trade, where things have to be fair/acceptable before the transaction occurs. you never know when you'll be hit by it. and by then, its probably too late. i never knew i liked him till rugby finals. before that, i didnt really bother myself with him because he never spoke much. it was only after rugby that i realised i had feelings for him. and he felt the same way although none of us knew it. it was awkward because his birthday was just a week after rugby but i didnt do anything considering people were still teasing him with M. M gave him a thumbdrive while C made him a cake. i, on the other hand, just ate the cake and enjoyed myself. that was why everyone was saying how despite other girls' attempt, he ended up with the right one. *shrugs* even i'm not sure if i'm the right one but i didnt do anything.

he was the one who came over to play psp to keep me company when i was studying. he was the one who studied with me in the reading room during winter. he kept me sane when i was almost on the brink of tears when studying because i was sooo stressed because i wanted so badly to do well.

once i jokingly mentioned that doctors are more prone to suicide and depression as compared to other professionals.. up to 4x more likely.. and he was like "dont worry, you've got me to keep you sane.." aww.. hahaha!

seriously, no matter what happens in future, we have our fair share of memories thus far. and i'm really grateful for it. =D i should just enjoy what i have now and be thankful for this chance.